Hormones, work drama and tears

Lately I've mostly alternated between three basic states; crying, freaking out over my dying career and read horror stories about deliveries and the pain of giving birth; and thus freaking out over this too.

The old truth that as soon as one area of your life is going well, another one goes to hell has proven to be quite dependable. (Actually I think I read it in Bridget Jones' diary).

The short story of work drama is me being promised a job that was given to someone else a few weeks later. I'm not sure as to why, as my boss had no other explanation than what's done is done and she has no memory of ever promising me the job. Well, that does not make for much conversation.

I'm not exactly a pillar of stone now a days, even though the nausea and extreme fatigue has settled slightly, so I promply broke down in tears. I'm not usually the crying kind, but I (atleast like to think )am more of the stoic, nordic Greta Garbo/viking type. (Though I'm sure the vikings cried quite a lot when pregnant. And perhaps Greta cried too, for having to stay in the closet).

Work has gone from being one of my loves to a place of torment where I just sit and try to keep from bursting into tears until I can go home at 5. I feel silly for not being able to handle things in a more graceful way. But oh well, you can't beat the hormones. Crying is my number one leisure activity at the moment.

The book I've been reading lately to cheer myself up further is "Att möta förlossningsmärtan" (To handle the pain of delivery) by Gudrun Abascal; a famous Swedish midwife.
The book was like a really horrid traffic accident. Eventhough it makes you sick you can't stop staring.
The book is basically a description of how completely unbearable and horriffic the pain during delivery is. There is woman after woman describing how she wanted to kill herself, jump out of a window, how all her limbs felt like they were torn from her body etc all from the unmanageble pain.

Well. I feel confident and optimistic now.

To balance it out I also listened to my hypno birthing cd; a completely different approach. Unfortunately I got so relaxed I fell asleep and woke up with the hypno ladies voice in my ear (headphones) and got scared half to death. So much for relaxation.

I will leave you with one of my favorite crying soundtracks.

And btw; baby is growing like crazy, every morning she seems to have doubled in size, I'm still madly in love with my beautiful wife and I very seldom feel nauseaous, so it's not all that bad.

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