#1 Sweden vs. Denmark; the Way of the Swedes

Welcome to my first attempt of a more structured blog post with a topic.
As I promised my friend J, I would make it about why we chose to go to Denmark over going through the process here in Sweden.

Oh, let me count the ways... (to quote Elizabeth Barrett Browning).

In 2005 a change of law made it possible for lesbian coupled women to inseminate via the healthcare system in Sweden. In the same manner that heterosexual women with partners and infertility problems had been able to do for a zillion years prior.

This is still not allowed for singel women, gay or straight.

Part of the prerequisites is being a part of a couple AND having lived together for a minimum of 2 years prior to insemination. Registerd partnership (as we had before we were allowed to get married like normal people)/marriage would suffice.

(There goes the spontatious; meeting the love of ones life and starting a family the next day for lack of reasons to delay any further; that straight, fertile couples can enjoy).

Once you are accepted into the system, they really strive to make it as equal as possible. The system is arranged for straight couples with fertility problems. However, being a lesbian couple, the lack of babies are often not due to infertility.
Still, you have to go through all the screenings and examinations that is required for a full fertility scan.

I didn't mind the bloodtest; giving away a bit of blood for them to check my hormones in various stages of one's cycle didn't matter much.
The bloodtest showed excellent hormon curves. I don't know how surprised I should have been? I don't even have PMS, and besides a miserable period on the pill as a teenager, I have never had any hormonal difficulties.

You AND your partner also have to leave bloodtest to rule out any STDs, including HIV/AIDS. Ok, not a big deal either. (But this is the part where I think they atleast could have found out my bloodtype and told me I was RH negative. All those unnecessary test, and none useful... ).

Next part was ultrasound. After later reading up on ultrasound, I do half-way regret letting them shove an ultrasound stick into my babymaking parts just to confirm that; yes you have ovaries, yes, you have eggs in them, and yes everything looks normal.

Now, for someone who's had cycles as regular as clockwork since she was 14 and only tried to NOT get pregnant before, that info seemed kind of useless.
-Hmm, there are no problems, let's look for problems; surprise, there ARE no problems.

The next step of the process is where we got stuck. HSG; hysterosalpingogram.

"What is a hysterosalpingogram?
A hysterosalpingogram, or HSG is an important test of female fertility potential. The HSG test is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility.

Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix.


The uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity.
This determines if the fallopian tubes are open or blocked and whether a blockage is located at the junction of the tube and uterus (proximal) or whether it is at the other end of the fallopian tube (distal). These are the areas where the tube is most commonly blocked. "

They advice you to take pain medicine beforehand, since you will have cramps. And sometimes quite painful ones.

So let me be a bit clearer; what they do is that they spray your uterus, tubes and baby-eggs with contrast-fluids.
The same kind they used on my friend with Hodgkins to find out where her cancer tumors were located.

Besides being an intrusive procedure, and painful, the idea of spraying my eggs with chemicals was just not appealing. You can do the procedure with water instead of chemicals, which I considered briefly as an option.
It is, however, not NATURAL to have ANYTHING in you uterus except for eggs, sperms and babies.

I looked at the statistics just among our friends;
of all the people we knew (8 lesbians and 1 hetero)only the hetero had actually had, what they thought was, a blockage.
She did, however, know that she had had a tube inflammation in her teen years due to clamydia and she and her husband had unsuccessfully tried for years to concieve a child.
She went on to have surgery for the blockage, which was very painful. Only to have the doctors tell her that her tubes were in fact fine.
As with all technology, finding a "problem" doesn't really mean one actually exists.
(Btw, she now, years later, has a happy, healthy little boy who loves to roll around on the floor. Despite of the unnecessary surgery of her tubes, I might add).

So, no one else we knew had any blockage after doing the HSG. Everyone had done it, quoting various reasons such as; I didn't know we had a choice, I wanted to make sure everything was ok before spending money on insemination, it felt good getting a clean bill of health, etc.

All valid reasons.

Still it didn't seem resonable to me.

I have never had any STDs, I have no reason to suspect infertility; I have never had any pains, irregular periods or anything out of the ordinary suggesting to me my body does not function properly.
I have, however, spent years trying to eat as organic as possible to not pollute my body with chemicals, since I always knew I wanted to carry a baby. I have avoided cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, additives, in periods even sugar, to keep my body clean from unnecessary stress and toxins.

And now I was asked to spray chemicals right on my eggs, in my tubes and in my womb; the future home of our tiny, sensitive and developing baby.

No thank you.

And with that decision, Sweden was no longer an option.

In Denmark, you have to pay for the process yourself, but you also just need to have a standard set of bloodtest checking for STDs.

Should we have continued our process in Sweden, the next step would have been waiting in line for 1:3 years.
That can be a lot of wasteful time if you're 30+ and longing for a baby (with later siblings). The clock is ticking...

From friends who tried the Swedish system I've also gathered that you don't have much option in timing.
They ask you to test your ovulation only once a day (in the morning)and then they offer you the time they have in their schedule; for example; Monday 4 o clock. Even if your cycle, your body and your ovulationtest would suggest a morning insemination would be better.
Also they are closed on weekends, so should you only ovulate on weekends (as I did the entire summer) you are out of luck. No baby for you.
Also they have "industrisemester" which means that the entire place shut down during July and half of August. No summer babies either, or Christmas babies, or Easter babies, or any kind of Holiday babies. Open only office hours, no exceptions.
Take it or leave it.

Usually the body and babies are not so apt to adapt to the modern calender and time keeping. (Perhaps lucky for the survival of the speices. What if you could only concieve during business hours? How many people would have time to get pregnant?).

Further; in the Swedish system you get 3 IUIs, should you not suceed on these tries, you move on to the next line for IVF.
How long you have to wait for an IVF is something no one could answer. It depends on their schedule, and how many Holidays are coming up, I suppose.

Let me remind you that there are a LOT of fertile, straight couples that need to make a greater effort than having intercourse 3 times to produce a baby. Not having a baby in 3, not so greatly timed, IUIs does not mean that IVF is in place. Hormone shots and painful procedures to have my baby be created outside my womb? Not tempting.

Don't get me wrong; it is fantastic that the technology exists, should you need it. But to use it on fertile women before helping with all other options first?
Where is the sanity, or economy, in that?

As I mentioned in an earlier blogpost, you do not get to chose your donor in Sweden. The donor is chosen for you and you get no information and no input. It is, to think of it, even worse than getting knocked up by a stranger after happy hour. At least you (or the drinks) made some sort of choice and you might even vaguely remember his apperance or what kind of music he like to dance shirtless to.

As most of you might know, not being able to produce a baby might as well have to do with the donor. The sperm might just not be compatible with your body, no matter that the both of you are healthy; sometimes it's just not a good match. But having no choice in donor, this is not something to concider if having a baby in the Swedish system.

Oh, I could go on and on. But actually the subject is making me a bit depressed.
I'm going to close with the pros of the Swedish system;

* It is not expensive (in most places, some regions in Sweden make lesbians pay, which is against the law and just another homofobic and discriminatory action of society agaist same sex families).

* If you are married the child automatically becomes your partners, even if you are a lesbian. You do not need to adopt your own child as lesbians have to do when having a donor child abroad.

*... hmmm... I can think of no others.

I did however remember a few more cons;

* You are only allowed one child, though I've heard of women sometimes getting a sibling after terrorising the hospital.

* IF you should be allowed to have more than one child, there is no guarantee it will be the same donor.

* The donors are geographically stationed, meaning all donor children in
Sthlm will have donors from the Sthlm region. Just to add to the risk/joy of having biological half-siblings in the lesbian community.
Also something that might not be a problem in the straight world, since the most common is having biological children within your own family.

An either/or depending on you preference;
*ALL donors are open identity donors in Sweden, meaning the child can get contact information when he/she turns 18.

Well, I'm exhausted. Me and my Danish-made baby are going to take a nap!