I was trying to cheer myself up...

... by logging into the rainbow family network. I was browsing, looking to read some posts about successful inseminations.
Found one of a woman who had inseminated on the same day she got a pos. ovulation test.
Goodie!
She thought she'd done it too soon and wouldn't get pregnant. A later post showed that it had worked out and she was indeed pregnant.
So far, I considered myself cheered up.

I (perhaps wrongly so) suspect we inseminated too late our first try. That my body (or my panic) told me to jump on the first plane to Copehagen as soon as the stick grinned at me, and that we should have listened.
Also, wifey has a friend who lied to her clinic to get to inseminate the same day she got a pos. test. (She told the clinic the test was pos. the day before). And now she has a cute little boy as a result.

Well, bingo! Two people who's inseminated "early" and gotten results.

In good spirits I read on.
I shouldn't have.

The poor woman ended up with a misscarriage. Still in pain she turned to the hospital and it came to show she had misscarried one of her TWIN fetuses. The other little fetus was stuck in her fallopian tube, she could see it's tiny heart beating on the ultra sound.
She got sent home w the choice of either surgery; which might damage her for life and make her unable to carry any more babies, or to try by chemotherapy to kill it off and let nature do the rest as a second misscarriage.

But, we're not done yet.
While at home, her ovary/fallopian tube ruptured and she was taken for emergency surgery to the hospital and almost died of internal bleeding.
Also, she was single.

I sat in front of the computor unable to move.
Oh. My. God.
Called wifey, who was still at work and very busy. I started crying on the phone. Poor wifey, I'm not even pregnant yet and still act nuts every other day.

Poor unknown-internet-woman who had to go through all that horror, and all alone.

Poor me who seem to have gotten stuck in PMS mode and am unable to function on a rational level for more than 5 min at a time.

It's def. time to go out to our country house, lay on the bridge and watch the water lilies grow. This baby business has been more nerve wrecking than I ever could have imagine. How on earth have we ever survived as a species?