Happy Pride!

Happy Pride everyone! Radio silence might not be over, but I'm here for a quick hello!
Update on life in general is; Lesbo Mama is finally losing weight, it might not come off quickly but it's coming off, every single week.
Baby J has grown and can now; run, talk, eat real foods and charm every living thing that comes in his way. Ok, that last one is not new.

We had lunch today and a couple of gay guys at the table next to us complimented Baby J and said they wish they had had kids before they were too old.

Lesbo Mamas words of wisdom; HAVE KIDS! NOW!

You will never, ever regret it.

What I realized myself is that once you have a child, nothing else matters. That wonderful, new little being that is trotting the earth, chasing pigeons and pouring apple juice all over him/herself is the only thing that will ever truly matter any more.

Happy Pride everyone! And have lots of babies!

Night Light

Today I bought my son a night light. Before that I bought him a hat. Before that I bought wifey the tools needed to make a birthday cake that looks like the Death Star.


I bought a lot of things I didn't think I would buy.
Shopping is always a good distraction.
I think I was trying to shop away death.


Death has been crossing my path lately. My grandfather is getting close to 90 and has decided he is done with this world. He stopped eating and drinking 2 weeks ago. His heart is strong. A life time of healthy eating has primed him for eternity. The doctor said with his heart he could live to be 120.
But he doesn't want to.
We went to say Good Bye.
Baby J jumped on grandfathers bed. I stroked grandfathers cheek. He lifted his crooked hand from out of his sheet and baby J grabbed his finger. I told him baby J almost had his name. It could be interpreted as if baby J was named after him. Which is neither true, nor untrue.
But I thought it would make grandfather happy to think so.

Wifey was asked by my mother to wait outside.
A lesbian wife is not welcomed in the room of a dying grandfather. She will have to sit out. I understand that the fear is she will speed up the process. The excuse was that they had never met before.
My cousins boyfriend was invited to sit with my grandfather. They had never met before either.
I said nothing about it.
My heart took note and another brick was secured in the wall that separates a lesbian family from an accepted family.

We slept in my grandparents house. I had not been there since my grandmother passed away over 15 yrs ago. All the furniture, the pictures, the smells and the way the sun broke through the window panes was the same.
Baby J played on the same rug I had played on as a baby.
Christmases, Easters, summers. Those long lost days of childhood.
As we drove out of town I missed my grandmother, my dog, and the days when life seemed simpler.

In some ways life is still simple I suppose.
My son is afraid of the dark. So I buy him a night light.
He is still not aware that there are things in life mama can't fix.
I will wrap his childhood around him like a warm, secure blanket. And in days to come, even in the valley of the shadow, he will fear no evil. He will remember deep inside of him that there is a love so vast and all consuming no darkness can creep in. There is always a Night Light.

The Strangest Hour

This past night a mother died.
She never saw her baby. Never held her, outside her womb.

I knew her in the way you know the close friend of a close friend. You see them from time to time as time goes by, and time goes by so quickly.

And then comes the day.
And the hour.
The strangest hour.
When you lay in your bed sleeping. Your baby waving his little fists in the middle of a dream. All is calm. Peaceful. And in some other part of the City, in a hospital room; a last exhale.
A heart stops.
Leaves behind a man.
A baby.
And a thousand tears.

And you can not understand.
Because she was here.
And now she is not.
She was alive.
And now she is not.

It is so incomprehensible the words go dry. All that remain is sadness.

Co-sleeping with Bruce Lee

Baby J has turned our family bed into a night time martial arts center. I awake with a small head pushing into my ribs. I awake yet again with a tiny foot kicking my forehead. But inbetween, I wake up from baby laughter, or a tiny hand pulling on my breast, wanting to nurse. Ok, sometimes that little hand is pinching my nipple, waking me up REAL fast.

"Baby J, I Am Your Father..."

Some time ago, wifey got baby J a Yoda doll. (Wifey is a hard core Star Wars fan since childhood). At first baby J was scared of the doll(who can blame him?). As he grew older, he came to love it. As soon as he sees it he bursts out lauging. (Yoda does look kind of funny). This past month Yoda had been left alone in our country house, while the rest of us spent 2+ weeks in the city. When baby J was reunited with his doll he shrieked with joy, burried his head in the dolls plush face and yelled " PA-PA!". OK. Is it time start worrying that the Star Wars influence on this family is getting a bit too much? I mean, yes, we might not be an ordinary nuclear hetero family. But I'm not too fond of the idea of my son growing up thinking a Yoda doll is his father. Wifey, on the other hand, is thrilled.

The Beard Issue

Some women do grow beards, and some men don't. But let's be gender normative and assume that beards belong to the male population. As such, beards might very well be something that fathers usually wears.
Which leads us to the brilliant conclusion of how to manage the absence of fathers in (most) lesbians families. In the manner of Santa Clause (who visits Swedish children on Christmas Eve) one could simply, as a lesbian mother, slip out of the house, claiming to buy a news paper. (In the 70's it was still PC to claim to go out to buy cigarettes). You then put on the beard you stashed somewhere convenient and re-appear in the household as a HO HO HO daddy.

If your significant other is attracted to bearded ladies, the beard might also come in handy on Date Night.

This, and other important issues, as when to call the social services on each other, is what we discuss at lesbian mama group.

A Black Marker...

...is a very handy tool if you are a Lesbo Mama and want to protect your child from feeling like an outsider before he even has a language.
For baby Js christening we got a baby book; those where you fill in blanks of height, weight, family tree etc. Of course there are blanks for mother and FATHER, of which baby J has zero.
Enter black marker and a little editing.

For Christmas baby J got a baby book with a cranky baby. How very suiting for our little tooth crank. Until cranky book baby started looking for his PAPPA.
Enter back marker, a little editing and now cranky book baby is looking for his MAMMA instead. She's in the kitchen making dinner. Sporting a beard.

Soon enough baby J will realize that a lot of babies have a mother and a father. And that society at large think this is the most desirable form of family.

But until he atleast has a language for his feelings and perceptions, I want to protect him from the stereotyped world and make him feel completely loved, safe and normal in his very ordinary family of 2 mothers.